Having had 2 weeks to just sit back and try to figure out what God is up to, I've come to the conclusion that I don't have a clue and quite possibly never will! :) BUT, the profound thing is, I see him in every detail of every day. Who would have ever thought this tiny little girl with no home, no family, and no consistency in her life would be the one to teach us a thing or two. We logically walk into this whole journey following God and expecting Him to use us to minister to Maggie Mae. Oh, how creative He is to see it differently and use her to cause us to once again surrender our will, our plan, and our perception and simply sit at His feet and seek His face.
Sometimes I think to myself, "How much more do you want me to learn God?", "Is there anything left of myself to strip away?", "Why am I the only one walking through the fire?". Even as I type this, I can't believe I even entertained those thoughts. They are definitely not from the Lord, and they will only cause me to stumble if I don't recognize them as a trap from my enemy. His purpose and plan will prevail. I will be perfected in HIM! He will purify my heart as a silversmith his silver until the only reflection is HIM!
So you might be wondering what are these LIFE lessons I am learning. I emphasize LIFE because He takes what is dead and breathes LIFE into it and teaches us to walk in the newness of LIFE. Some things are easy to explain, while others are not. Most importantly I am constantly reminded that this is not about me! When I look at Maggie Mae and think about her life thus far: abandoned at 6 months on the side of the road, put in an orphanage, placed in foster care, brought back to the orphanage, picked up by English speaking Americans and brought to a foreign land, I can't imagine what is going on in her mind. We had time to prepare for her, to begin to love her, to make plans for her, but she had none of that so she doesn't know how to receive all that we want to give her. Does this sound a little like what our Heavenly Father has done for us? He has known us since before we were born, has loved us, and has a plan for us, but we don't really know Him, and He definitely doesn't speak our language. Therefore, we don't know how to receive all that He has for us. So, like Maggie Mae, we look for what makes us feel safe and secure, cling to it, and don't want anymore change. Every time Dexter tries to love her and comfort her and she turns away and screams, I think of how God loves me and wants to comfort me, but I don't want to let go of what is safe and secure. It breaks my heart to see her reject her daddy, but even more I think "Can I be breaking the heart of God when I reject Him?" So change is something I enter into kicking and screaming, but when I encounter Him, I can't help but be changed forever.
Submission to His authority and His plan is not something we do naturally. It is a choice we must make daily. Which brings me to our appointment with the Family Therapist at the International Adoption Clinic in Birmingham last week. She and I were talking about what to do when Maggie Mae is doing something she doesn't need to be doing. Discipline is a touchy subject right now obviously, but in reality, she is a two year old, and we will encounter situations that need to be addressed. So, my question was about how to say no and begin to establish authority. I believe we all are in desperate need of boundaries and as my pastor says, "The Kingdom of God runs on the rails of authority." Authority is a GOOD thing and so is submission. So this is what the Family Therapist's response was, "She has to know who is in control so she doesn't have to be.". WOW, I think I could probably ponder that one forever! How much weight do we carry? How many burdens do we bear? All because we are trying to be in control of everything around us. We need to know and be constantly reminded that God is in control so we don't have to be. Can I hear an AMEN! Boy, I so needed to hear that, and it has really caused me to let go of a lot of things. He daily bears my burdens. I don't have to make sure everything is perfect for everyone else's sake. For Maggie Mae's sake especially. As I am walking in submission to HIS control in my life, she will benefit greatly from that alone.
So the big strongholds of abandonment, rejection, and control seem to love each other's company. Abandonment causes us to experience loss, which causes us to reject anything that we cannot control. And right now His still small voice is saying, "I have overcome all of these things and you are victorious in me!" Praise be to God!
As He continues to mold and shape us, and we continue to poor love and acceptance into Maggie Mae's life, we so appreciate your prayers. I want to say the biggest prayer request now is for her to begin to bond with her daddy because we are back to the way it was in the beginning. I want God to bring revelation and set her free. I want to praise Him for her attachment to me and pray that she will begin to give me her heart and receive the love we all have for her. I want to continue to pray for healing for her eyes. I pray that He would restore what the locusts have eaten away. Thank you all once again for your continued enthusiasm and prayers. We are truly blessed to be surrounded by such incredible people.
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